5 Reasons Why Mommy Needs a Good Friend
If you are a mom of one or many kids, you need a good friend. Please don’t say you have your husband and your best friend. He might have been at the beginning of marriage, but as you increase the number of children in your household and have new hurdles to cross, you need someone you can call a good girlfriend, someone who can relate to you, someone who understands you, without having to explain yourself.
But how can you tell if she’s a good friend?
Alhumdulillah, I have been blessed with a beautiful friend, and she meets all the following requirements.
1. A good friend is someone you can talk to. She will listen and is trustworthy.
Why is this important? Let’s face it, we are women, and we love to talk about our problems and achievements. We share ourselves and who we are through communicating with the world around us. We speak about what’s on our mind, our ambitions, goals, and the issues at hand. Verbal communication is a form of therapy because if we keep things bottled up, it may cause problems later on.
It’s nice to have someone who will show you support just by listening to you, no judgment call and no advice needed- Unless, of course, you ask for it.
Do you know the feeling of being around your children all day long and that need for an adult face? That break you so need from the continuous random questions you get asked, and constantly reminding the little people in your world,
"Stop fighting!", "Sit when you are eating!" Remember to brush your teeth!" and on and on and on…
The need to speak about something else besides baby talk or to discipline a small toddler, or even remind your teen for the 10th time of his chores.
Your need for someone to converse with is priceless! But what happens when you look towards your dear hubby for that? Sometimes he is excellent and can be the one who fulfills the need, but other times, he tunes you out 5 minutes into the conversation, whether you're saying something interesting or not.
Men do not think the same way as women, and that's okay because it makes sense why we have girlfriends! We understand that when a man has an issue or a problem, he figures out a solution alone. If he can’t think of a solution to his trial, he puts it on the back burner and deals with it again, not stressing over it. You won't often see a man tossing and turning in be worrying over things. When we moms have something running around in our mind, we need to get it out; sometimes, we need to hear ourselves say it out loud, d and that does the trick. We don’t usually want a solution, and that’s why a good, reliable friend works better than your husband. Husband’s usually want to solve your problems for you, and that’s not what we’re looking for.
2. A good friend gives you honest advice because she is caring
Besides being there for you when you need to be heard, she can also be a great help. She understands you because she is probably going through similar feelings and emotions in life. When you ask her, “Do you know what I mean?” she does and can relate! Oh, how wonderful it is to have someone who understands you!
When we have issues and trouble in our lives, it usually has to do with a relationship in our life that has gone sour. We all know it is wrong to backbite and not a very nice thing to do. That is why our first form of action should be to complain to Allah (swt) and ask Him for help and guidance.
Our second form of action can be receiving the advice of a trusted friend who wants to help. Let’s be careful when addressing the issue by not naming names when describing our struggles in life. To be a true friend, you can tell your friend to look at herself first and see if she can make changes to ease the situation. We can continually improve in many areas of our lives. May Allah (swt) help us see our faults as an opportunity to change for the better, Ameen.
3. A good friend feels close because your souls are connected
Before you think I'm crazy, hear me out. Your sister from the same mom and dad can understand you and your issues, sporadically throughout your life, but can't quite fit the 100% mold of your friend we are speaking of here. I love my siblings dearly, but we have a past together, and because of our history and tend to be judgemental and not give one another a chance to change and grow. This is one of the beneficial reasons we need to have good friends- They will allow us to try new things and not stop us because of our past. They will support us in anything we want to achieve and do not know the handicap we may have had in the past. A true friend will help us change and improve for the better and can assist us to bere pleasing to Allah (swt).
Many musMuslimmen interact solely with friends related to them, which we will call relative-friend here. For you, a relative-friend can be any of the following, a sister, mom, aunt, mom-in-law, or sis-in-law. Since relatives surround their life, they don’t see the need, nor do they make an effort or take the time to have friends outside of the family. I would be cautious of doing this.
Why? Because it is difficult to maintain peaceful harmony in your family when you are only interacting with women related to you.
If your priority is to keep the peace (which is very honorable, mashaAllah), being openly honest will not always work in family situations. If you are unable, to be honest with the women around you, then there will be very little growth on your part as a mother, a daughter, a wife, and a slave of Allah (swt). If your relative friend is too honest and easily critical of you, then you may feel hopeless and not believe in change and the very possibility of improving. A good friend has that balance between giving advice when needed and lending an ear when it's not required. Allow ourselves to change with a good friend.
4. A good friend knows where she fits in your lie because she is understanding
Remember who you are and what your responsibilities are. I find that sitting peacefully, making dua, reflecting, and asking Allah (swt) for guidance helps me. When I prioritize my life and find a balance that works for my everyday craziness, I find myself categorizing my life in the following order,
My connection with the Creator
My connection with myself
My connection with my husband
My connection with my children
My connection with the outside world, which encompasses family, friends, etc.
Make a list of your priorities, and be the judge of what works for you. Please share this list with your friend and help her implement this idea in her life. When we see things on a list, written down, it can iron out the confusion in our minds. This has given me a sense of peace and balance in my home.
There will be times when you and your friend will have emergencies and last-minute favors to ask of one another. Being a good, dependable friend means being there for one another. But emergencies don't happen all the time. Prioritizing your life is the key, and our blessed Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) emphasized the importance of a balanced life and finding that middle path in everything we do. May we strive to follow in his blessed footsteps, Ameen.
5. A good friend is giving, because she is generous
Sharing ideas, from how to potty train a toddler to how to deal with an annoying teen, are lovely things to talk about with your friend. Having a cup of tea/hot chocolate together to de-stress and prepare a quick meal plan is even better. Your friend is a jewel who loves and cares about you. You feel a connection with her like no other. When I think about my good friend, how close we have become through the years, and how much we have helped one another improve, I can't help but feel a sense of deep connection.
How do I explain this?
There is a tree in Jannah, and everyone’s name is written on a leaf. I say, “My leaf is hanging right next to yours. My soul is very close to yours, my sweet friend.” I tell her how much I care about her and thank her for helping me grow and change for the better. She needs to hear it! It will give her a sense of importance in your life and a reason to strive to do even more promising sign. It will warm her up inside. There are too many people feeling cold, lonely, and distant in this world. So go on, say something nice to her. It’s a Sunnah too!
If you ever wish you could do more for your friend, then a gift here and there of what she needs iseexcellententt, but what’s simply out of this world is your DUA for her! Make dua for her. It is the best gift you can give her. She needs it; you need it; we all need it!
"Oh Allah (swt), please surround us with sweet friends who will share happy days and silly moments and make those hard times seem a little less tough. Help her remind us of being a little more gentle, a lot more giving, and to be softer in a tone of voice. Let us remind one another to do what is most pleasing to You, Allah swt. Let us share good memories, warm teas, sweet chocolate and reminisce about it in our old age. Ameen ya Allah."