Addressing Your Teen and Fasting
Addressing Teens and Ramadan
Before we even discuss how we can get our teens to connect with Ramadan and fasting, we need to realize something important. As our teens attend school and interact with the outside world, whether it is online or in-person, the fact is that about 30% of our Muslim teens do not identify themselves as Muslim. Why is this happening? It’s due to the misconceptions they hear about their religion. This can occur in their school when a teacher makes a historically inaccurate statement and causes them to begin to doubt their Islam. If they hear that women are oppressed or Islam is a violent religion, they come to the masjid and experience some form of oppression. They will likely believe these misconceptions. This is why especially during the month of Ramadan, we need to show our Muslim youth compassion and kindness and let them know that we are listening to them and we hear their concerns. We need to assist them in gentle ways to help them get through fasting in the month of Ramadan.
Our younger children may easily gravitate towards wanting to learn about the festive month of Ramadan and fasting. But our teens will have serious questions and want honest answers. Many want to know why fasting was prescribed as an obligation and why they need to fast. And I know that many of the simple answers such as Allah has prescribed fasting upon us so that we may gain taqwa- may not be enough.
We need to speak to them as if they are an adult. It would help if you used intellectual reasoning with them to win over their beautiful & intelligent mind. Our Prophet(s)loved the youth in his community and had them be at the forefront in representing Islam. When the Prophet(s) needed to choose a leader to lead a community of over 100 Muslims on migrations and represent them before the king, he did not choose the oldest man. He chose a young Jabir ibn Abdullah(r). When he wanted to straighten out the technicalities of battle, he would make mashwara with the youth. He(s) consulted them and respected their opinions, such as when the Prophet(s) decided between going outside of Medina to fight in the battle or staying inside the city. We also need to speak to our teens in a manner where we make them feel important.
So if I were to discuss Ramadan and fasting with my teen, I would start by explaining to them that-There is wisdom in any and everything our Lord has prescribed for us. Fasting is one of these things. Muslims have been fasting for over 1400 years, but recently science has proven that fasting is essential for optimal health and longevity. They call it intermittent fasting, but we call it fasting in Ramadan. Both types of fasting follow the same 16+ hours of abstaining from food.
Your teen may wonder why must I fast? It is challenging for my body. I will starve. First of all, Allah gifts us with the suhoor meal, which we are highly encouraged to eat, and we are rewarded for it. This small meal is full of blessings and holds us through the rest of the day. Now for some scientific benefits of fasting.
Physical Benefits- These include dramatic weight loss, all while maintaining muscle, increasing muscle tone, and muscle density. There is also a massive improvement in your vascular function as well which improves the way you look enhances the health of your nails and your hair. These positive effects occur because of the nutrient uptake that happens while you are fasting. These physiological functions occur because of the catecholamines, which are adrenaline, epinephrine & norepinephrine, that allow your body to tap into fat stores but preserve your muscle. You get all the benefits of fat loss without losing any muscle.
Mental Benefits -When you go an extended time without eating, your brain goes into survival mode. It sounds terrible, but it is excellent. When your brain goes into survival mode, it becomes hyper-focused because it preserves the energy for whatever the task is at hand. So instead of having all these extra thoughts in your head, you can focus on one thing, whether that means studying for your class or learning something new. The other benefit of fasting for your brain is when your body produces ketones which are brain fuel.
Cellular Benefits- Cellular rejuvenation occurs during a fast when you are fasting. Something called autophagy happens to your body. Autophagy is the process where old cells get eaten up by new cells, and it makes the new cells into more robust, more powerful, and more efficient cells. This process helps you live longer & improves all of your organ functions.
Now, once we win over our teens and they want to fast, then and only then can we discuss the practical and fun things we can do with them during Ramadan and other things we can do before Ramadan to prepare.
Fun and practical things to do with our teen:
Find a masjid that WELCOMES the youth -A masjid is an important place for our teens. Ramadan is a time when they can be introduced to Taraweeh & Qiyam. But please remember to make it enjoyable for them. Remember that they are young and see things very differently. We, as adults, have come to a time in our life where we value and understand our deen(alhamdulillah) only because of the experiences we have been through. Our children may not have learned these lessons, so be gentle with them. Do not be strict about how long you expect them to spend at the masjid, especially when this is the only time of the year you are taking them to the masjid. Make sure to discuss your plans and get their input. Try to make every effort to build a beautiful connection for them with the house of Allah.
Take them to restaurants for Suhoor/iftar - I remember a few years ago when a couple of my children were old enough to fast, and we wanted them to have a beautiful experience in their first year of fasting. It was summertime, and the heat was unbearable during the day. The heat would cool down a bit in the evening, so at suhoor or iftar time, we made an effort to go outside. Plan at least 1 -to 2 days of the week, preferably on the weekends, to schedule time to take your young adult to eat out. There are many options for iftars but if you want to impress your teen, then search for a halal burger joint or restaurant which is open for suhoor this Ramadan. Make sure to plan and call to reserve your spot. They only take a certain number of orders, so prepare. If you can’t find any in your area, there are always the 24 hours dinners. It is not about the food. It's all about the Ramadan traditions you built with your children that make things special and memorable. We made every effort to take our kids out for suhoor at once a week in Ramadan last year, and to this day, my children still reminisce about those special days.
Watch the Seerah with them-Engage your teen with the life story of the most remarkable man that ever lived, our blessed Prophet(s) seerah. Many may have mixed feelings about watching Seerah- but you mustn’t worry, the movie version of seerah never depicts the Prophet(s) himself. There are many to choose from, but one which my children enjoy watching every year is called the OMAR series. This movie series brings the Seerah to life through the eyes and life of the 2nd Khalifa, Omar(r). Movies have a remarkable impact on teens because they watch movies and can relate to things better through film.
https://thechoice.one/video_library/omar-series-e01-with-english-subtitles/
4. Listen to the Seerah- When we fast, we end up not having a lot of time during the day when we relax on the couch. Why not use this time to have some Seerah played in the background. Another good place to have the entire family listening to the Seerah is when you are driving somewhere in the car. Many scholars have beautifully explained the Story of the Prophet's life on youtube. Make sure to keep it short and simple. Thirty minutes of listening while preparing a meal are more than enough.
5. Take them to the beach for Suhoor/Fajr-If you are blessed to live by the beach, the bay, or some body of water. It’s a cool thing to go there with your teens. Since the weather will be excellent no matter where you are during Ramadan, why not plan more outings during prayer times to enjoy nature.
6. Ask them to help you prepare the home with decoration- Preparing the house with decorations should not be something only moms do. Every single person in the household should be made to feel important and asked to help make the home look festive and happy. I believe that family traditions bring families together. And decorating the house for Ramadan is one of these small things which will stay in the hearts and minds of our children forever. We need to remember that our children are being raised in a world where Holidays are a Big Deal. We are not trying to compete with Christmas. But just like all kids, our children also need to have a sense of belonging. Holidays bring families together, instill family traditions and values, and make memories that will last a lifetime. We can and should use Ramadan and Eid to make our children, especially our teens, feel that they are loved, that they are special, and that they have a beautiful, loving family and community that they belong to. Our religion believes in this, and so we must make an effort most creatively and beautifully to bring this alive in our children's lives so that they can fall in love with Islam and be proud of being a Muslim.
I pray that these tips will help your teen look forward to fasting to please their Lord and benefit from the positive output of abstaining from food and drink. And inshaAllah, may this Ramadan bless you and your children with a stronger and more loving relationship now and always, ameen. Please keep us in your duas.