How To Strengthen The Bond With Your Kids
How to Strengthen the Bond with Your Kids by forming “Family Traditions”
Living in a community where many celebrations occur throughout the year can be challenging as parents. In the beginning, our kids feel confused at the sign of Christmas and Halloween, but as the years go by, they may slowly begin to develop a liking towards it, at least towards the fun that comes with it. Before you know it, they’re asking to purchase a costume for Halloween or a Valentine card for a friend. SubhanAllah, how did that happen, you think? Didn’t we address the issue? Are we missing something here?
Look, it’s never too late to have a discussion on this topic with your kids. Go ahead and have a little family meeting to get everyone involved to understand your family values better. Need some ideas first? Read on, and it might just be what the doctor ordered.
What positive impact do the Holidays have on children?
I want to be clear and say that I am not writing this to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, but I do feel that there is something that these holidays give to a child that we should not omit from our lives. Let’s see why kids (and sometimes even ourselves) find the ‘holidays’ so appealing.
Good Memories I’ve realized that a growing-up child needs to have good memories from their childhood. The holidays are made to feel warm and welcoming. Each holiday is identified with something symbolic, a tasty sweet dish that comes to mind, a warm hug from a loved one, and something pleasing to the eye (lights and beautiful decor). These and other good memories touch our five senses and stay nent good memories.
A Sense Of Belonging The things which touch our senses form an attachment to that particular day or event. Families and friends get together, and some even get to see extended, lost, albeit excitinglatives. Some form bonds with old and new friends. There’s a sense of belonging for the heart and the soul. This belonging places happiness and posjoyouselings inside of us. We all love these warm and familiar feelings.
Something To Anticipate No matter how bad life may be, people look forward to the holidays, even if it is only for a brief time. All their worries seem to drift away at these special moments, and it is always a good time to make some positive life changes.
Replacing Holidays with Family Traditions
Now please don’t get me wrong, I am not promoting the ‘holidays’ for us as Muslims. But we need to understand why it is so appealing to our kids. Once we do, then we can use our good times to instill the same special feeling that can similarly touch all our senses – without having to sacrifice our beliefs. Yes, we have our two blessed Eid days, and like most of you, I try my best to make it a wonderful day of happiness without forgoing the true meaning of those special days. But sometimes, it’s just not enough. This is why it is essential to form ‘family traditions’ in our homes. We want our kids to be happy and have good memories of their childhood. Life will be challenging enough while our children are growing up. That sense of belonging will help them through it.
So how can we do this?
Simply by forming our family traditions and realizing the positive impacts that the holidays can have on a child. Why not replace those holidays with wholesome ‘family traditions’ instead? Unlike the holidays, family traditions can be done on a daily, weekly, monthly, or seasonal basis. No need to wait all year long to make an excuse to do something joyous. The more consistent you become in forming good habits, the more your family will benefit.
Why Are Family Traditions So Important?
It Strengthens Your Family Bond Members of a family who connect consistently with one another for fun activities will, in the long run, be inseparable from bonds. These face-to-face interactions will form trust and love on a deeper level. One that will (inshaAllah) outstand any difficulty that is to come in the future.
It Provides An Identity For Your Child A child’s identity is shaped and formed by the stories daily lives. Who they are, where did they come from, what language and culture do they share with their ancestors, how do their religious beliefs coincide with all of this, what traditions conflict with Islam, and what should be discarded. All these values intermingle to form a beautiful rope of life—the more substantial the string, the better the connection with themselves and understanding the past. When a child has a strong sense of identity, their confidence level rises.
It Teaches Children Important Values. When we share and emphasize the essential things in our religion, we teach valuable lessons to our kids. And when these values are implemented consistently in a fun and creative way, the lessons stay with them forever.
It Gives Comfort To The Child Our days are filled with endless lists of things to accomplish. We are always on the run. Often unexpected changes occur which are totally out of our hands. A job transfer to a different state will change our child’s school, home, and friends. With all this craziness, it’s nice to know that our family traditions can stay the same no matter where we are. For example, If Wednesday is the day for board games in your family, you can imagine how comforting it is to your children when they know that they can still count on that family fun time.
What are Traditions?
There are three types of traditions that you can implement.
TRADITIONS IN THE HOME
Watching a Show Together Have there been any documentaries or movies that you have seen and benefited from in the past? Why not introduce those to your kids. Have a movie night once a week! It’s a great way to bond and form open discussions on topics you always wanted to cover. Break out the popcorn and hot chocolate – it’s going to be a relaxed evening, InshAllah!
Weekday Game Night Together Does the week feel dreary and long, and you feel like you haven’t had the time to connect with your children at home? Have a ‘Wednesday game night’! It’s right in the middle of the week and ample time to connect and interact with your little loved ones. Remind them of what is important and see what they need help with (in terms of homework and school), and enjoy your time with them. This can be either a board game, card game, or multi-player video game.
We listened to Nasheeds Together. How about playing some soothing melodies in the background. If you tie it together with jummah (Friday), it makes it even more special! We like to play the 99 names of Allah (swt) in the mornings – an easy and fun way to remember His words.
Enjoy the Seerah of Prophet (pbuh). Together Mondays are a great day to choose for this. On the one hand, it’s the day he (pbuh) was born, and it’s also a great way to start the week. Alternatively, since the new day begins after maghrib prayer, this can also be done as a bedtime story on a Sunday night. What a great way to fall asleep, with his (saw) blessed stories in our child’s thoughts.
Having a Family Craft Night Together Tuesday evenings can be quiet but fun. Take a break from media and spend time creating simple and fun crafts. Sometimes all you need is paper, ta, pe, and scissors to create something extraordinary!
Say Mealtime Duas Together I remember never starting my dinner until my dad began with ‘Bismillah,’ At the end of each mealtime, he would ask a different child to make dua. It bridged a special closeness and warmth in our family, Alhumdulillah.
2. OUTDOOR FAMILY TRADITIONS
Attending Jummah Together On one or more Fridays of the month, try taking your children for jummah prayer with you. If you inquire, you might see that some mosques have a second jummah prayer which may fit into your schedule nicely. You can easily pick up your child half an hour before the end of school so that they can listen to the khutbah that is specifically designed for their ears. This second jummah is usually performed with the intention that middle and high school students can attend. Little ones can benefit, too, as they snuggle with you on your lap.
Check out the website of your local Mosque to see if there is a second jummah scheduled. The masjid (Allah’s house) is a beautiful place to make a tradition come alive. As a bonus, if you want your kids to have an attachment to the jummah prayer, take them to their favorite ice cream shop right after the salah. That way, you can have a little discussion with your kids about the Khutbah and know if they understood what was being said. Conversations are great over ice cream!
Going Out For Dinner Together It’s always nice to get in touch with your children somewhere outside the home and in a different atmosphere. Sometimes we are more pleasant and happy when we can get a breath of fresh air. Plus, it gives the cook in the house a day off, and boy does she deserve it! Smile, breathe and enjoy your kids’ presence.
Share the Love of Reading Together Once or twice a month, take your kids to the library to pick out their favorite books. This will also help them develop a love of reading and InshAllah improve your child’s literacy. Let them share their thoughts on what they liked and disliked about the book they are reading. This is a great way to start discussions with your kids and learn about their nature and talents.
Take a Hike Together I know it can be hard to get the kids up and moving on the weekends. How about starting with a beautiful scenic stroll? Take your time because you can always work together to enjoy a hearty brunch afterward.
Cousins And Relative Are Great Alhumdulillah, most of us are blessed with a few siblings, which means our kids have a few cousins and relatives. No matter how close or distant your relatives maybe, help your child stay connected with them. Letters, emails, or phone calls are a great start. In turn, your child will look forward to family gatherings that you enjoy too.
Connect With Grandparents If grandparents live far away, set up a day to call them and have all your kids speak to them. Grandparents have great stories to share that can teach your children valuable life lessons. Unlike us, they are usually calmer and relaxed at their age and easy to be around. If they live close by, make it a habit of visiting them at least once a week. They’d love to see you and your kids!
3. EXTRA SPECIAL TRADITIONS
Form a Special Hand Shake This is mainly for dads who may feel disconnected from their kids due to long hours at work. A unique handshake can be a good start. Make up a new handshake to form a special connection with your child.
Family Password A family password is a secret word that only your family knows. This word can be used in times of emergency. For example, if for any reason you have to send someone new to pick up your child at school without prior notice, you can tell your child to ask for the ‘family password.’ In this way, your child will know that it’s ok to go with that person and that mom or dad has given permission.
Important “Mottos” Mottos are sayings or quotes that your family finds valuable. There are many blessed Hadith or verses from the Quran which can be formed into mottos. You can also use simple statements that your family abides by. One of the things we tell our children many times is that we don’t understand the words “I can’t.” What we are trying to instill in them is the importance of testing. No matter what the situation may be, it is imperative to believe in yourself, ask Allah’s help, and keep trying no case how hard the task may seem. Eventually, it will lead to success in InshAllah.
Family Charity Giving and helping for a good cause is even more, sweeter when it’s done as a family. We all have our favorite charities that we’d like to help. So how do we motivate our family to chip in? Simple. Start a “saving-change-for-a-good-cause” collection. Place an empty jar in a designated area where everyone can drop their spare change in as they walk in and out of the home. After about a year, the pot should be pretty full, and the money can be donated to your favorite charity.
Whatever way or day you decide to implement ‘family traditions,’ remember to smile and be happy with your kids. Your approach and outlook towards them are the first things that will make it a success.
I wish you all wonderful and happy times with your beautiful children Alhumdulillah. Now go and make some memories!
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